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Grumpy Old Hippie Pt 5
Relentless purpose. Innate understanding of the direction and goal. Unending confidence that the goal will be achieved. This was me in my youth. Always moving forward, climbing higher and wrapping myself around each task, accomplishing steps along the way everyday. Now I am grumpy that I can’t find any of that any longer. I can get glimpses of it. I can have a good morning of clarity, confidence and taking all the right steps at all the right moments. Sometimes it is not an actual glimpse it is a memory of a glimpse.
It is not just writing, although writing has been difficult the last few months. This diffused focus I deal with now is like a film covering everything. My health and wellness initiatives. My search for the ‘right fit’ part time job. What I am reading. Following through on communicating with loved ones. Everything.
Decision making in my youth was a quick survey of possibilities. I could easily see the three most likely successful plans and then pick one and see it through. Now my mind is all dichotomies. Go on retreat sitting quietly with no distraction from investigating this mind, or stop being so alone all the time and get out there and meet people doing interesting activities? Organize my thousands of photos and make a concerted effort to market them in categories to targeted customers, or trash some obvious misfires, print out a few that friends might like, or…
